Sunday, July 19, 2009

At fifteen, life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice. - Maya Angelou

I don't really know how I feel about this quote, but it hit a nerve, so I decided to use it. I haven't blogged since January because... well, I just didn't feel up to it. I wasn't sure what I wanted this blog to be. I got bored when I only posted about running, but I was embarrassed about putting too much of myself out there. After my achilles injury, I was very unsure how I would do at the 24 Hour World Cup in May. I couldn't race all spring, so I went into the event "cold," hoping I'd done enough training and that I was healthy. I'd also been in a slump personally, trying to decide where to go with my running and my other career (practicing law), since my kids were becoming teenagers. How serious of a runner did I want to be? Did I want to practice law again? Or did I want to do something else, and if so, what? I just couldn't get myself to post all of this angst on this blog.

So, the World Cup is over, and we had a great time - US Women took the silver medal - and I almost PR'd (126.25). Italy was beautiful and we loved being with the team, both before and during the race. It is a great group of people. I won't bore you with a race report because several months have passed and several good reports have already been published elsewhere. Suffice it to say, it was a wonderful experience!

I really thought once the pressure of Worlds was over, I would get out of my rut and get clear on what I want to do. But it didn't happen. I've struggled all summer with motivation and the desire to make the "right" decision. I just don't know what that is. It is a very uncomfortable place to be. As runners, we are used to taking the bull by the horns, and solving a problem with sheer determination and will. We know that we can withstand a lot of discomfort and pain, and that if we are focused, we will succeed. But that isn't happening this time. My sister told me I was becoming "frantic" worrying about my unresolved life. I don't necessarily feel frantic, but I do feel confused, and frankly, a little bit sad. I want to be driven and focused. That is what I am comfortable with. I don't do well with shades of gray that require me to sit back, wait, and see how things turn out. I want Action, Strength, Courage, and all the other adjectives favored by members of the Coast Guard. But the universe seems to be asking me to chill, and that, I am not good at.

On the home front, we had a wonderful Sunday. I slept in, then did an easy 10 miles alone on the river. It was a little bit overcast, so I didn't suffer too much for waiting until the sun came up to run. After a quick shower, we headed to a new outdoor cafe and had a delicious brunch. I had egg, spinach, red peppers, goat cheese, and aoli sauce on foccaccia and tons of coffee. Yum! After we finished, we went on a two hour hike in the Franklin Mountains. It was beautiful! We've had lots of rain, so everything was really green. We hiked a trail I'd never done, so we had fun scouting the area. With temperatures over 100 degrees, we were all thrilled to jump in the pool when we were done! I pool ran for another 30 minutes while Tim and the boys rough housed, and then we all sat on the side like turtles soaking up the end of the day's rays (don't tell my dermatologist). After showers, we are going to have homemade lasagna for dinner and then watch a movie. I'm tired, but satisfied.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!


kelly said...

Sounds like a great Sunday to me! I've missed your posts..It's hard to think of things to talk about, but people enjoy reading blogs and I am no exception. I am glad that you are back to running!

olga said...

There was a long time no word from you, but then again, I think the blog is cooling down as a trend. I often feel the same - write about running? everybody and thier grandma are doing so now. about personal stuff and thoughts? too many people stop by...thus it kind of is dying on its own. anyhow, I am happy to hear from you, because I really wanted to congratualte you on all the awesome performances - and even more wonderful experineces - you had in the last few months! Wow! That was great. I hope you get to do it again.
I am finally in Texas, you know:) I have no clue how people run here, I just pray one day I'll be able to sustain the effort of "any" running beyond an hour. At this point anything more turns into a walk with some jogs inserted. The air is thick and doesn't reach my lungs, thus my muscles as well. And, well, speaking of what to do...the job front here is no better than anywhere in country at this point, what surprised me and disappointed. I am not a hame mom, and not sure what to do with myself. But you, darling - how about that book you wanted to write? Just an idea:)
Hope to eet you one day. Be well:)