The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

First, before I get into my Ruth Anderson race report, I'd like to thank all of you who stopped by to wish me luck - you rock! Second, I want to apologize for being so behind on posting comments. I promise to catch up with everyone this week. I want to see what everyone is up to!

Now, onto the race report. We had a nice flight to San Francisco on Friday, arriving mid-afternoon, which gave us plenty of time to eat and grab some last minute stuff for breakfast in the morning. I needed to be at the race by 6:00, so we left the hotel at 5:30 and made the 2 mile walk over to the lake. Ruth Anderson is run around Lake Merced, on a 4.5 mile asphalt/chat trail. It is about 2 blocks from the glorious Pacific Ocean. I had never visited that part of San Francisco, so it was really cool to see it.

Rajeev Patel is the RD for RA. What a wonderfully upbeat, positive guy! It was about 40 degrees at the start and SUPER windy, but Rajeev got us all organized and ready for the 6:30 start with no problems. I don't know how many starters there were, but I was pleasantly surprised that there were more than I expected, especially in the 100k. I knew Mark Tanaka and Joseph Swenson were both really fast, but I didn't know much about the other runners. I was hoping to have some company during the day.

At the start, I chatted with Laurie Woodrow, a very nice woman from LA. I was happy to find out that she was also running the 100k, and I was hoping that we would get a chance to visit some on the course later in the day. The race started right on time and the first thing we noticed was the wind. It was coming straight off the ocean so it was cold. And strong. I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, shorts, a fleece, gloves and a visor. After we made the first turn, I realized that visor wasn't going to last. I held onto it as best as I could and then finally just carried it. On the back side of the loop, some very dedicated volunteers stood in the cold and wind (ALL DAY) to provide us with support. It was too windy for them to erect a tent (they tried), so they just had to stand out there in the wind for hours. I think they deserve some sort of medal!

Scott and I had come up with a rough pacing schedule, but I ignored the pace clock for the first 4 loops because I was desperately trying to get some sort of rhythm going. The problem was that on the back side of the loop, the wind was so strong that you often felt like you were running in place. At one point, one of the aid station volunteers had to grab me to keep me from being knocked over. Then, as you made it the top of the loop, the wind was at your back, but it was so strong that it made you out of control - you had to brake with your legs to keep from getting knocked forward. The only thing that was sore today were my knees from pounding they took on the top part of the loop.

At the end of Loop 4, I realized I was behind pace. Now, this should not have unraveled me, but as you know, I bite at following a pacing schedule, so I was kind of freaked out. What do you do if you are behind and you are trying as hard as you can? I was crewing for myself, and I didn't really know anyone at the race, so I just kept running and praying for a miracle. But none came. I just kept telling myself, one more loop, then you get a gel and that will help. One more loop, then you get 2 Advils and that will help.

At the start of the race, Rajeev had told us that we could stop at any distance we chose (50k, 50 miles, or 100k), but once we stopped, we could not go back out. The finish point for the 50k was about 150 yards past the lap counting booth/main aid station at the end of the 7th loop, so after I finished loop 7, I headed back out for lap 8. As I approached the 50k mark where the finishing timers were stationed, they told me I was the lead female, and asked me if I was stopping. Huh? I was so focused on my own misery I had failed to pay attention to the other runners and where I was in relation to them. I hadn't ever planned to stop at the 50k, but it suddenly became an option. I kept running, but for the entire 8th loop, I talked myself into stopping and taking the 50k win. The conversation went something like this: "So what if I had not planned (or needed) a 50k run in preparation for the rest of the season? So what if I had flown all the way to San Francisco for this race. I'm miserable, I'm not even close to hitting my splits, and running sucks anyway! No one can make me keep going!" So, when I got to the counting tent, I told Rajeev I was done, that I just wanted credit for the 50k even though I had kept going for an extra loop. Uh, no. Turns out that several other women and men had come in behind me while I was out running and arguing with myself. It wouldn't have been fair to go back and change the results just because I was being a baby (although in that moment it seemed perfectly rational to me :). By continuing on after the 50k mark, I had sealed my fate to run the longer distance. I was stuck! Dang!

Out for Loop 9, almost in tears, still bundled up in my fleece and gloves, and thinking about all the smart people in the world that had hobbies like BASE jumping and snake handling. Surely they were happier at the moment than I. When I finished Loop 9, I asked Dave Combs and Stan Jensen (who were the lap counters all day - in the wind) how many laps for 50 miles (I had quit being able to do math on loop 5). They told me 11 loops plus about 1.75 miles. Okay, I thought, 2 more loops. At this point, I realized most of the runners had opted for the 50k, and there were only a few of us left on the course.

I would like to say that I had some sort of epiphany or growth experience on the last 2 loops of the course, but I didn't. I pretty much felt sorry for myself the whole way, but tried not to show it because the volunteers were having a much worse time of it than me. Chihping Fu, who had started the race but had to withdraw, put on warm clothes and went to the back-of-the-loop aid station for the rest of the day. Every time I passed, he said something encouraging, and acted like it was completely okay to be standing out in 50 mile per hour winds for 8 hours. Dave Combs, Rajeev, Stan Jensen, and Steve Jaber were so nice, and I know they were miserable in the wind. So, I tried to keep my pity party from being apparent, but as soon as I was out of their sight, I tried not to cry.

Finally, I made it to 50 miles in 8:13.11. I was hoping to hit the 50 mile mark at 7:42, so I was a little (okay, a lot) deflated, but that was replaced by relief that I didn't have to do 3 more loops. Mark Tanaka finished the 100k shortly thereafter and made me feel better when he told me that his time was 47 minutes slower this year than last. Lisa Huerta was the only woman to keep going the full 100k. I'm in awe of that woman!

I really can't say how I feel about the race just yet. I'm disappointed in myself that I couldn't/wouldn't stick it out. I wasn't hurt, just felt like it was a pointless exercise. And that bothers me. The win for the 50 miler doesn't feel as sweet, more like I don't really deserve it. I think part of our identity as ultrarunners is our mental toughness. I didn't feel mentally tough. I felt whipped. I felt like a baby. Anyway, I'm going to have to sleep on it. There are more races to come, but I want this to have meant something.

Hopefully I will have some more enlightened insights to post over the next few days. Thanks for reading. Happy running!