You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you are going to live. Now.
- Joan Baez

This past weekend, some friends and I went to Denver to visit a running buddy who recently relocated to the area. We decided to run the Denver Marathon for fun, and just have a relaxed, casual weekend. It just so happened that our buddy was also turning 50, so we made sure to have a special time full of laughter, exploration, eating and running. We had some wonderful meals in downtown Denver, went to a jazz club, ran trails, and finished it all up with grilled steaks at another friend's house after the marathon. The perfect weekend! The only glitch in the whole plan was that I came down with something and have been sick since Sunday - yuck! Whatever it is, my kids have it too, and it won't go away. Half of their school is out sick, with several kids in the hospital. They are saying it is the H1N1 virus, but who knows. We aren't that sick, just down and out a little bit.

Needless to say, I have not run since Sunday. And the weather is glorious right now, so I am staring out the window, pining away for a good run. I love Fall and I hate to miss a day outdoors. I may cheat and go for a walk in a little bit, even though I'm supposed to be in bed. I'm going crazy, so I figure that means I'm recovering. A little fresh air will do me good, right?

I was hoping to continue my increase in weekly mileage, but I guess it will have to wait until next week. Three days off are going to be hard to make up on the mileage tally. I'm also leaving town again this weekend, but hopefully will be able to get some miles in while I'm away. As I'm typing this, I realize I'm describing a recovery week. Not that I needed another one after my last few recovery months! You would think I would have been so well rested I wouldn't have gotten sick!

Happy running!

In soloing - as in other activities - it is far easier to start something than it is to finish it.
- Amelia Earhart

Back to it - I'm lost without serious training. I love running, being outside, moving at my own pace under my own power. Sometimes fast, sometimes not. Tim had a serious heart to heart with me this week. He told me that I was going to regret giving up serious running if I gave it up for the wrong reasons - fear, guilt, peer pressure. He knows how much I love to run, how much I love to chase a goal. And I've been a little lost all year.

But the past few weeks, I've really been trying to decide what I wanted to do. Running 20 miles a day without a purpose is just work, grueling work. I told myself, there is no point in slogging out that kind of mileage if I wasn't going to continue to chase my dream. I need to either run for fun and fitness or get my courage back. Straddling both sides of the fence is no fun.

So, I've been putting in the miles, picking some races, readjusting goals, and reconnecting with my running friends. I've been doing some speed, some distance and some hills. And I've been happy. I've felt focused and energized. Even if I never race seriously again, even if I never win another race, it feels good to have not given up out of fear.

Thanks to everyone who sent such nice e-mails! It really meant a lot to me.

Happy running!